Just need time to vent... argh.

I'm not writing this for sympathy and to mope, I'm more writing it for my sake, to get this all out of my system and well I have a blog... so put 2 and 2 togehter and this is whats going on.
These past few weeks, have been some of the hardest weeks ever for me. I did something that I didn't want to do, but in the end knew I had to do, and in the end I know I'll be okay, it just sucks going through it right now. As many of you know, I have been with Taylor for the past year and a half, and have been writing him on his mission. He gets home this August, and I have been getting so excited knowing he would be coming home soon and being able to see him once again. I was even more excited cause he was writing me saying how much he loved me, wanted to be with me, couldnt wait to get married... the whole sha'zam. everything thing I wanted to hear. I was thinking, "hey... this is all turning out pretty great". but then over the past few months, he has been getting more and more distant. Now I know his password to his accounts, but would rarely check them over the past months cause I decided that wasnt being very trusting on my end. ((Now a side note.. me and Taylor meet on an LDS website)). Well about a month ago, it started saying Taylor had been getting on Linkup.. the site I meet him on, and it was pretty frequent. so curiousity got the best of me and i logged into his account. He was writing all these other girls, setting up dates for the summer,telling them how cute and pretty they where, while in the mean time... failing to tell them he was on a mission!! I wrote him and basically said "If you want to date around when you get home.. i totally understand. but I dont think you should be getting on and doing it while you're on your mission, on the lords time" he wrote me back saying that it was somebody else on his account, so dont worry about it. well Long story short. I check its him. I look in his email, and he's beeing talking to his EX girlfriend on Instant Messanger, telling her everything he's telling me!! Saying that he loves her, wants to marry her.. the whole shaz'am. When I found this out. I was hurt. and didnt know what to do. Well I knew what i HAD to do... I just didnt WANT to do it. but last week, I wrote him and basically said, I dont think we should write as much blah blah blah. he wrote me back asking how come and if we could s till be friends. I went and talked to my bishop the other night for guidance about the whole thing, and we came up with a good idea of what to write.
I wrote him last night, one of the hardest emails i have EVER had to write. Scratch that... it WAS the hardest email I have EVER had to write. I wrote him and let him know that I would rather him be honest with me, instead of lying behind my back. I would still love to randomly write, but just not as much. He wrote me back today saying he had prayed too, and didnt think we should write anymore, that it really wasn't him on the account, and that I was the only girl.. he just needed to concentrate on his mission.. THE FREAKING LIAR!! Well.. for some reason I coudlnt stop, I looked at his email and he was talking to his mission buddy saying "dude.. I got a dear john, its kind a relif to be honest... maybe you should date her!" his buddy responds "uh...wouldnt that be kinda weird for you?" Taylor: "Are you kidding me man? I wouldnt put you through that kind of misery!!". Oh pretty sure after that, I was furious. Dont go telling me 3 weeks ago you want to marry me, than tell me, at least lets be friends one hour and then go back stabbing me.... freaking jerk.
I'm not going to lie, its hard and I've been pretty blue the past few days, but with the help of great friends and family.. I'll make it through!! :)

*Sighs*... I'm done for now.
the end :)